Going to the ex to sort out this pain will just compound it. You really deserve so much better than that in your time of hurt.
Oh, goodness, with the ex before last, I’d call him frantically begging for him to give ME another chance. He was a rage-filled addict! And to think, I thought I’d just die without him. When we are unaware and live without mindfulness, the mind will surely play tricks on us.
Real, worthwhile bonds take love, care, honesty, respect, and boundaries blood relation or not. Anything less is not worth it.
That makes me VIKING mad! Where is my horned hat, breastplate and broadsword???? I feel a need to create some mayhem for this AC!
The other extreme irrational thought is she’s already got a new fwb (or there was some overlap) and I’m the furthest thing from her mind.
This was about 10 days before his birthday, (2 weeks ago) and I totally forgot about it until after the fact and seeing this post. So I suppose when we are really done, we are DONE. Wishing him a happy birthday doesn’t even seem like an option, much less desirable.
It’s funny you mention that you doodle! When I was going to school for something that had nothing to do with art, I’d frantically doodle the entire time, as I could not keep my hands still. I’d also get angry and mean while arguing with other students and complained constantly. Geez, was I out of my element.
Andee, I’m glad the crying jag and the pain have been replaced by positive thoughts. Three cheers to us for dumping the emotionally stunted losers 🙂
I had 2 very dark days, after Mr.M. sent me a message and then the next day my EU mother’s birthday. Does her birthday count as an upsetting anniversary? I sent the most cursory card you can imagine, something I found in my desk at work and I wrote the minimal amount, just so I didn’t have to feel bad about sending nothing. I do feel bad.
Hope this helps! Good luck (though, funny enough, luck ain’t got nothin’ to do with it). XX
Thanks Micheyl, I have this new plan where I’m gonig to proceed as foolows. Meet a guy. If he is relationship material, wait to have sex with him and try to build a relationship the BR way. If he is not relationship material, but is acceptable, have sex with him once or twice and then disappear. I am implementing this plan because it is what I have come to realize is how men operate in the dating world. Anyway, the fault in the plan is at step 1; i.e., meet a guy. Sigh.
Rob joined Trinity Mirror in 2001 and was editor of the Daily Post North Wales for seven years. He was also publishing director for Trinity Mirror North Wales and Cheshire.
It would be a complete pain in the neck for me to change my number but I’ll do it if I have to.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Sals. I second the advice of others that you should only invite the dependable into your life now. You need people who will really take care of you now.
Excellent idea: Write unsent letters when you have the urge to contact or respond and NEVER send them.
I’ve actually told people “no” when it came to giving my number when I wasn’t comfortable. I didn’t make a big deal about it either. I think I’ve said something along the lines of, “No thank you; I pass, and I’m not giving my number out.”
I was so lonely and had managed to let him use and toy with me via the phone. He was a heavy texter.
so i didn’t talk to him for months and he didn’t talk to me , but we’d send the smoke signals with birthday msgs or whatever in and bam , crazy magical short bursts of passion and amazingness then we’d both retreat back to our decrepit caves of half-living. we were never together long enough or in any real way to actually fight so each meet up was perfect, preserved intact for rainy days when i feeling glum or unattractive.
I think my energy was ‘off’ too, so I am taking more time for myself. I figure I’ll know when I’m ready. I’ll know when I’m sparkling again. Remember, it takes as long as it takes. Give yourself that gift.
In the morning, I had re-read journals from last August. FFS, I thought I was too cool to get mired in BS. The sad thing is she was pretty much up front with me but I just ignored it thinking she’ll come around.
Editor, Manchester Evening News editor-in-chief MEN Media and Trinity Mirror Huddersfield
Enough, I hear you. I keep going back and forth. I think this time I am able to not contact him. It feels like I am the one always breaking NC, but I really feel I am ready to let it die down. I realized last night that he really can say some mean things. Maybe he is not as “nice” as I think he is. Well obviously he is not, but I have had him on this pedestal. I need to get him off.
Do you think you deserve to be forgiven by this woman ?
Also, with not-positive dating experiences post-AC/EUM, I could feel myself starting to become EU myself. I won’t let AC take my open-heartedness along with everything else he took. Better to wait until I’m really ready to date than risk that.
My lovely mum died suddenly last Saturday :-(. I broke up with my ex in May. I have been NC since then. He heard about my loss and sent a short text and a card. He hurt me a great deal but I oh so wanted to contact him today and let him console me. Staying strong though……
This is one of the most painful events you will deal with, don’t make it more painful with this man. If he wasn’t a friend in the past, he won’t be now.
Family ties happen via procreation but no where is it set in stone (and even if it is, so what?) that we have to stick by them through abuse in the name of ‘family.’ Family is just a word.
That is precisely why I am burning mine all of the information I needed to know was there in the beginning, but I chose to ignore it all. Even on here not so long ago I came across a comment of mine from 2008 which I could copy and paste nothing had changed except the year to 2013.
Timely, thanks. I’m looking at an anniversary of sorts today. It was a year ago when things went from “friends” to fwb, or whatever it was. I’m not breaking NC over it, but still feel down about it. I’ve been invited to a going away party tonight, but I don’t feel like going. I’m going to go anyway just for the welcome distraction.
Lacy…repeat this to yourself. “Everything the man says is a lie.”
A high-flying lawyer was caught on CCTV climbing over a neighbour’s wall and smashing his ornamental lights – after a row over a tree.
so no smoke signal from me on his birthday this year and ignoring any on mine. thanks for the crumb memories off to make real ones.
I can relate. I too, had to contact my ex after a break, to notify of an amoebic parasitic infection from travel to Asia- I was advised to pass on the info as it was contagious. I hated having to make contact, but knew it had to be done.
It’s as if you men can’t own up to your own mistakes and take responsibility.
New Job present for my neighbour
Peanut, in this situation you should save up some pennies and go and treat yourself to a lovely, prettier pair of earrings as a reward to yourself and a reminder of how far you’ve come. Treat yourself! You deserve it.
When you are feeling down it is important to be honest with yourself, journal, write here, and make it through the doldrums without writhing to escape. Feel your pain; do not seek unnecessary pain.
Sals, I´m so sorry. Sending you a big virtual hug! And stay strong, you don´t need him to console you, that´s why you have us BR ladies.
I have also kept journals now they are just an embarrassment sitting on a shelf. They are full of angst and stress and how difficult I found no contact and how if he got back in touch I had a fleeting high going to crashing disappointment when it led to nothing. I have planned a bonfire to burn them all. I would really dread for someone to find them and see how one man who is not that special could bring me so low.
I suck it and saw with my ex of on-and-off-again of 11 years. I felt emotionally raped, after yet another episode of me feeling vulnerable and open and him suddenly throwing out accusations, blame and just nonsense that really had nothing to do with me or even the conversation at hand.
I don’t know anybody who leaves important mail somewhere for months. He’s up to old tricks again. As for the card table, let his friend (not yours clearly) know that u will set it out on ur porch for a week. After that date week has passed. Put it out w the trash.