HOWEVER, that’s not to say that hostess gifts would be gauche or out-of-place. Even if your shower hostesses aren’t expecting you to arrive bearing some small gift as a thank-you for all the work they’ve done, I can guarantee that the gesture will be super-appreciated.

Or you accept that you’ve allocated your budget and space to priorities other than including this set of people, and accept that means that those people won’t be celebrating you.

But you have to accept that there sometimes isn’t physical room or budget to include everybody you want to. But you want to include everyone so invite them for later on. And yes, it is often the case here that there are separate evening guests. However, there is usually a buffet or something for evening guests so they have some food.

Oh hell no! After 10 years of buying shower and wedding gifts for most of the people I know, I am not buying my own stand mixer! That is going on a registry some day even if it means creaming the butter and sugar by hand til I develop biceps.

I’m having trouble to reply back to my friend who she thank me for throwing her baby shower. Any suggestions

I find this a little all or nothing in an unproductive way. Most people have a wide range of friends and family and communities who they may relate to in very different ways. I can imagine scenarios where is makes complete sense to have a nice dinner with family and long term friends and have more casual friends, coworkers, teammates, join in after. The first group might be more comfortable with that kind of formal celebration and the second group might be more at home with the latter.

If you’re looking for ideas and recommendations for a baby registry, don’t miss our Baby Registry Checklist.

You are not, according to the black-and-white technical etiquette for baby showers, required or expected to give hostess gifts for baby showers. Usually a nice handwritten thank-you note after the fact will suffice. This is obviously true for surprise showers, and also for showers with a high number of hosts, like yours.

Of all the gifts they received at a baby shower, moms say they most appreciate practical lifesavers and things with sentimental value.

"The best gift we received was our baby movement monitor. As new parents, you're constantly up checking on the baby. This allowed us to get some good sleep, knowing that we would be alerted to potential problems."  — Anonymous

That was tacky. Miss Manners has written about this type of thing before and she doesn’t like it. It’s rude, as you said.

I agree – if I’m invited to a wedding – I want to see the marriage – happy to be invited to wedding, and dance, but not the dinner in between.

Ah, but if you attach a penny to the knife and your friend gives it back to you, they’ve just purchased the knife. No relationship severing required :)

You all are so creative!! Thanks for the ideas! I have a lot to think about and hopefully will put something good together thanks to your suggestions! Thanks a bunch! You all are so creative!! Thanks for the ideas! I have a lot to think about and hopefully will put something good together thanks to your suggestions! Thanks a bunch!

"I've made diaper cakes before and they went over really well. I try to use larger diaper sizes, because the baby outgrows newborn and size 1 diapers so quickly." — Anonymous

Yep, that’s not what I was responding to, perhaps you’re reading the thread incorrectly? I’m responding to the idea that a reception apart from a ceremony is a bad idea for out-of-towners.

i think you should put whatever you want on the registry. If you have the plan to have more space from it in the future and it’s something you want there is no reason not to ask for it. You might just want to work out what you’ll do with the stuff in the meantime.

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I have an uncle like that. He’s my godfather, and when I was in my late twenties he sent my dad an email asking my parents to tell me he didn’t want to exchange Christmas presents with me anymore. But he made it clear he still expected my parents to buy his daughter (my dad’s goddaughter) a gift. Some people are just go through life treating relationships like transactions, and they’re never going to be happy.

I found some very pretty (designer-type) cooking aprons at TJ maxx for about $12 each. I picked one for each of my 4 hostesses. I found some very pretty (designer-type) cooking aprons at TJ maxx for about $12 each. I picked one for each of my 4 hostesses.

I got my hostesses small cosmetic bags filled with travel size toiletries from Bath and Body Works. I made one extra that we used as a prize for one of the shower games. I got my hostesses small cosmetic bags filled with travel size toiletries from Bath and Body Works. I made one extra that we used as a prize for one of the shower games.

Amy also documented her second pregnancy (with Ezra) in our wildly popular Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Belgian living in France here, it’s SUPER common, my sister had not the same people at Church (everyone got invited), “punch”, dinner and after party. Usually at “punch” your parents got to invite their friends, “give back invitations” (I HATE that part), dinner is family+close friends and after party is family+close friends+friends. Guess why I’m still not married.

I got my girls these cute handmade bracelets with the baby's may birthstone on it. I found a lady on etsy.com that sells handmade jewelry. She made them and had them shipped in TWO DAYS! :) I got my girls these cute handmade bracelets with the baby's may birthstone on it. I found a lady on etsy.com that sells handmade jewelry. She made them and had them shipped in TWO DAYS! :)

"Friends threw us a 'diaper shower.' We had enough diapers and wipes for our son for his first six months." — Anonymous

It’s all about the managing of expectations, I think. Those both sound like valid ways to do things. It just sucks if that’s not established, and then it’s like– uh.. what did I do? Why don’t you want to give me gifts any more?

I said, “Well, if we’re getting married sometime in the next year or so, it’s something we could put onto a registry, because people love buying something like that to last and be useful. Otherwise, yeah, we could just wait for them to go on sale.”

Totally reasonable. We lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment when we were married and had no room for anything else but we registered for everything we would need to through a dinner party if we had a house. We stored everything at my in-laws house. We now have a house and all of our wedding gifts.

"My favorite baby shower gift was a crib that folds and unfolds in a minute. It's perfect for traveling with babies. It's also useful for putting the baby in while doing household chores." — Maria

My mom and sister both hosted my shower. I ended up buying them each a Pandora charm.   My mom and sister both hosted my shower. I ended up buying them each a Pandora charm.  

How do you get the message across that you want to celebrate with people without them thinking it’s about the gifts?

Baby Shower present for my auntie

That’s awkward. I can see how that would really sting, and I’m sorry that happened to you.

Of course, if the pot BREAKS, I’ll just replace it.

It’s just a sad testament to how society values women. You got your PhD while also serving in the Peace Corps and resuscitating puppies on the side? Too bad you’re not getting married, cause then I could give you a gift.

Geez, I wonder what these people think about birthday parties? I mean, talk about gift-grabby, right?

Whoops – we did that a lot. We did not have a lot of housewares between the two of us, and when we were living together, we definitely had conversations like, “I know these old knives are terrible and one of us is going to lose a finger. But can we just hang on until the wedding? Maybe someone will buy us knives.”

Yeah, if I’m not close enough to the folks getting married to be invited to the entire thing, then I’m also probably not close enough to spend my limited vacation days and travel budget on them. It’s uncomfortable but that’s definitely something I’d want to know up front.

Our registry is obscene, entirely because of the registry completion discounts. I am totally okay with appearing to be gift-grabby, because DISCOUNT! :)

I don’t think weddings are a ploy for presents at all, but they do often come with them and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying or looking forward to that!

I mean you can ask for some of these things for Christmas/Birthday/ x-Holiday if it’s important to you and socially appropriate. And single people can still have house warmings and such. I guess I don’t see a way to make wedding gifts apply to single people, nor do I think it’s intentionally unfair or penalizing. Like Liz said, weddings often cost a lot more than some housewares.